Grief Idea: Planting a Memorial Garden

Losing a loved one is one of the most painful experiences anyone can go through. It is also something that almost everyone goes through at some point. The old poem rings true: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. When you lose someone that is close to you it can feel like your world is collapsing. The profound emptiness left behind is a constant companion in the same way that their love filled up your life. They are still there in your memory, but the feeling of knowing you cannot create more memories with them is heavy.

What can you do with those feelings?

Although it may seem like burying your thoughts deep and distracting yourself is the way to go, try not to avoid your feelings of sadness too long. One meaningful way to honor their memory and find solace in your loss is by creating a memorial garden.

Grief is about finding ways to keep the memory of your loved one alive, even though they are no longer physically with you. A memorial garden serves as a living tribute to their life and the love they shared with you. When planning your garden, take the time to reflect on who they were and what they meant to you. Consider the things that remind you of them and incorporate those elements into your garden design. For example, if they had a sunny disposition and loved yellow, planting marigolds, coreopsis, or sunflowers would be a beautiful tribute. If they adored fragrances, include plants like gardenias, jasmine, roses, or sweet almond. And if they were known for their generosity, consider adding a fruit tree or berry bush as a symbol of their giving spirit. Enhance the garden with meaningful sculptures, plaques, or wind chimes that hold significance to their life.

Throughout the process of creating the memorial garden, allow yourself to remember who they were and the moments you shared. Recall their smile, their likes and dislikes, and imagine what they might have done with you as you choose plants and design the space. Engaging with your grief in this way helps you reconnect with their presence and keeps their memory alive. Healing doesn't mean forgetting; it means finding a way to move forward while honoring their legacy.

Your memorial garden will become a physical space where you can visit and remember your loved one. Consider including a comfortable seating area where you can sit, reflect, and feel their presence. Some find solace in imagining or believing they are having conversations with their loved ones. Though it may feel strange at first, talking to them can be a powerful way to stay connected.

Creating and caring for a memorial garden also offers valuable insights into the cycles of life. Gardens remind us that living beings thrive under nurturing care but also experience illness and eventual death. They teach us about the beauty and impermanence of life. Engaging in gardening can be a meditative practice that allows you to feel and process your emotions without judgment. It serves as a safe container for your grief, providing a space for healing and understanding.

Remember, the goal of a memorial garden is not perfection, but rather the opportunity to engage with life and the significance of having lived. The death of your loved one does not mean you cannot continue making memories about them. Cherish the moments you had, and let your memorial garden be a testament to their lasting impact on your life.